Black Sesame
Sometimes, just sometimes, I want to wear a big "fuck off" sign on my forehead. You know to ward off the disingenuous. I tire so of most of the people I know. I tire of how little they are willing to give, and how little it makes me feel.
~oh no, please don't direct your attention elsewhere, this is not a whine. I think I am addressing the results of those rare but pungent moments of loneliness that descend upon us out of the blue. surrounded, but alone right? i think all of us go to that places sometime (too bad we don't meet in that place much). looking for something, but not knowing what, that's the general atmosphere in that place. love and belonging? maybe. under the assumption that it is love and belonging that we seek, then I suggest two avenues that are explored by my peers:
1) ole'fashioned love
This is the search for that warm fuzzy feeling that a woman sleeping in an alaska trailer sings about. A simple feeling that's true. The search for one. The ultimate partner to spend a life of happy monogamy with forever and ever. Why do we need these "someones" in our lives? For the very reason we began the arduous search: someone phone up when that inevitable shroud of loneliness sets in. This can only be realized when you have had that, and lost it. The number you so carelessly set into your nokia sits in digital dust, to be glanced over and sighed over, but never dialed, over.
This ole'fashioned love although very... difficult, alleviates the ailment of momentary loneliness. It is precious. "Closer" was a great film, natalie portman, captivating.
2) sex in the city
TV tells me that the first has been, pro tanto, usurped by something that makes the the monogamy of the penguins look like the orgy of the penguins. We find it in specious relationships that from the outset mean nothing. A false, or perhaps temporary comfort. The general trend is movement from the one to the next, always in need, breaking and reforming in a vicious cycle of the poverty of love. I do not wish to discount this method of satisfaction, because I have many times considered the option. Apparently, virginity to a guy doesn't mean as much as it does to a girl. Apparently. So far, I haven't been able to drive my car over the ethical hump (haha, get it? ethical hump. i am funny). I have friends that subscribe to this theory, and who knows, maybe they are more satisfied than I.
So far, prudentially, I still see this method as a form of escapism, with the effect of not satisfaction, but rather a way to block out the moments of loneliness. The distinction is rather nuanced, but important nonetheless. The later seeks ignorance of the moment of loneliness (MOL), while the former seeks to face it head on with two instead of one.
-- And now back to my shroud, and my prep for my presentation on "equality, utilitarianism and intuitionism". I really do wish my brain was sharper.
~oh no, please don't direct your attention elsewhere, this is not a whine. I think I am addressing the results of those rare but pungent moments of loneliness that descend upon us out of the blue. surrounded, but alone right? i think all of us go to that places sometime (too bad we don't meet in that place much). looking for something, but not knowing what, that's the general atmosphere in that place. love and belonging? maybe. under the assumption that it is love and belonging that we seek, then I suggest two avenues that are explored by my peers:
1) ole'fashioned love
This is the search for that warm fuzzy feeling that a woman sleeping in an alaska trailer sings about. A simple feeling that's true. The search for one. The ultimate partner to spend a life of happy monogamy with forever and ever. Why do we need these "someones" in our lives? For the very reason we began the arduous search: someone phone up when that inevitable shroud of loneliness sets in. This can only be realized when you have had that, and lost it. The number you so carelessly set into your nokia sits in digital dust, to be glanced over and sighed over, but never dialed, over.
This ole'fashioned love although very... difficult, alleviates the ailment of momentary loneliness. It is precious. "Closer" was a great film, natalie portman, captivating.
2) sex in the city
TV tells me that the first has been, pro tanto, usurped by something that makes the the monogamy of the penguins look like the orgy of the penguins. We find it in specious relationships that from the outset mean nothing. A false, or perhaps temporary comfort. The general trend is movement from the one to the next, always in need, breaking and reforming in a vicious cycle of the poverty of love. I do not wish to discount this method of satisfaction, because I have many times considered the option. Apparently, virginity to a guy doesn't mean as much as it does to a girl. Apparently. So far, I haven't been able to drive my car over the ethical hump (haha, get it? ethical hump. i am funny). I have friends that subscribe to this theory, and who knows, maybe they are more satisfied than I.
So far, prudentially, I still see this method as a form of escapism, with the effect of not satisfaction, but rather a way to block out the moments of loneliness. The distinction is rather nuanced, but important nonetheless. The later seeks ignorance of the moment of loneliness (MOL), while the former seeks to face it head on with two instead of one.
-- And now back to my shroud, and my prep for my presentation on "equality, utilitarianism and intuitionism". I really do wish my brain was sharper.
