What is it that makes us need to be with another? Why is there such a longing among twentysomthings (and many other generations for that matter) for someone to be with? More interestingly, why such a lack? If you browse online dating websites - yes, i have browsed a few, but never really used one before, i'm quite shy online - you see so many "ugly" and "beautiful" people looking for that special someone to take them off on a white horse or BMW. Online dating, according to a very trusted source i like to call the online dating advertisements on tv, is apparently very popular right now. it's all the rage guys.
If you actually go on the sites, there are SO many people on it. When I heard that my friend was on one, I had to check it out. Apparently she had dates lined up two times every week for as long as she was on it. Now, this may not be much for some, but for me, two dates surpasses my annual quota by a factor of like 2. I was intrigued.
But why I ask, are so many people looking and not finding? I believe it has something to do with expectations. I believe a lot of the problem these days is the category of images we are being fed by media, and then perpetuated by imitative behavior that surrounds our social space. The airbrushed images of the most beautiful and bulimic celebrities that we see and embrace are quite unattainable. Now, of course, we are not idiotic observers who can't tell that the images we see are doctored and unrealistic. But the constant barrage of these images does slowly change our expectations to match more closely that of the airbrushed beauty rolling in glistening dirt on the beach.
Online dating is a "natural" progression of this superficial and unrealistic expectation mr or mrs right. You can quickly scan through lists checking off personality traits, and 5 most favorite things (usually walk on the beach, eat chocolate, go to the movies, and two other ones choices that really spice up ur profile). Of course, the picture is usually the most important drawing force. Then the witty nickname or title. "halferB@b3xxx" or "xxxnaughtyxxxsexynaughtysexxxy" or "kink1268739029a" or ... heh. this is fun...
where was i...
why have we lost the ability to interact in a social space? i know i am socially inept, but how did this come about, can it change? or are we doomed to the online 5 step dating process? the internet has given us autonomy, but we need to reconcile this autonomy with community. Does the internet strengthen online community (Galston)? Strengthen, I don't know, but it has definately altered the fabric of social life.
The loneliness that i see in society, through introspection, scares me. Youth suicides being the 2nd leading cause of death scares me. Japanese death pact sucide websites scare me. Online dating scares me. Not dating online itself, but its exposure of the breakdown of community and formation voluntary, interest communities. Maybe one day "xxxspankyxxx" and I will fall deep in love, but for now, i think i'll pass.
If you actually go on the sites, there are SO many people on it. When I heard that my friend was on one, I had to check it out. Apparently she had dates lined up two times every week for as long as she was on it. Now, this may not be much for some, but for me, two dates surpasses my annual quota by a factor of like 2. I was intrigued.
But why I ask, are so many people looking and not finding? I believe it has something to do with expectations. I believe a lot of the problem these days is the category of images we are being fed by media, and then perpetuated by imitative behavior that surrounds our social space. The airbrushed images of the most beautiful and bulimic celebrities that we see and embrace are quite unattainable. Now, of course, we are not idiotic observers who can't tell that the images we see are doctored and unrealistic. But the constant barrage of these images does slowly change our expectations to match more closely that of the airbrushed beauty rolling in glistening dirt on the beach.
Online dating is a "natural" progression of this superficial and unrealistic expectation mr or mrs right. You can quickly scan through lists checking off personality traits, and 5 most favorite things (usually walk on the beach, eat chocolate, go to the movies, and two other ones choices that really spice up ur profile). Of course, the picture is usually the most important drawing force. Then the witty nickname or title. "halferB@b3xxx" or "xxxnaughtyxxxsexynaughtysexxxy" or "kink1268739029a" or ... heh. this is fun...
where was i...
why have we lost the ability to interact in a social space? i know i am socially inept, but how did this come about, can it change? or are we doomed to the online 5 step dating process? the internet has given us autonomy, but we need to reconcile this autonomy with community. Does the internet strengthen online community (Galston)? Strengthen, I don't know, but it has definately altered the fabric of social life.
The loneliness that i see in society, through introspection, scares me. Youth suicides being the 2nd leading cause of death scares me. Japanese death pact sucide websites scare me. Online dating scares me. Not dating online itself, but its exposure of the breakdown of community and formation voluntary, interest communities. Maybe one day "xxxspankyxxx" and I will fall deep in love, but for now, i think i'll pass.
Mel, I agree. I'm actually quite shocked by the amount of people that I know who have tried (or are still using) online dating services. Personally, I'd be afraid of stalkers or freaks but it seems like sometimes people are so afraid of being alone, they'll do anything to find someone. Others just happen to meet online and end up dating and becoming serious. It's all such a mystery to me.
Posted by
Carter |
1:01 PM
i think everyone wants to be with someone because we're inherently lonely creatures. it certainly doesnt help when the media screams that you're a loser if you dont have someone. (i'm studying for communications right now, can you tell? haha.) maybe its a little presumptuous for me to say, but i think online dating services are potentially wierd and creepy... and well, excuse me if i offend anyone, but i think its a little desperate. but then again, i'm only 19, perhaps when i get a tad older i'll feel a stronger urge to find someone. but yes, until then i'd like to pass too.
Posted by
jenny. |
11:39 PM
I used to be tigress@somethingrather. And then I started getting all the wrong attention on IRC. I was 14, and deeply in love with Tiger's Eyes. Both the stone and the book. I also liked cats. So...
Nevermind.
Posted by
Hannah Lim |
11:10 AM