Vancouver Drift

when i first made the switch from the maths and sciences towards the social sciences, i swore to myself that i would never, nor could i, do anything which i did not feel passionate about.

now i am in political science and am researching constructivist approaches to security in the ASEAN regional agreement. Passionless. i don't know why i'm doing it.

this week has been... humbling? i wonder if that's the right word.

selling credit cards is not exactly the most pleasant profession.

example:

mel: hi there sir, how are you today?
talking asshole: i've been through this routine before. take down my license plate and never talk to me again.
*turns his head.
mel: ok then.
*hangs his head and walks away to his next percutor.

of course it's not all, bad, just mostly... 80% bad.

what i have learnt:
1) richer parts of town have a richer quality of ASShole.
2) communities that actually have communities where people enjoy 'human interaction' have assholes, but there is more pleasantness than assholishness.
3) rejection is plentiful and lets you know about yourself and your community.
4) you should only put up with this shit if you're getting something that makes up for it. 100$ per day just doesn't quite do it.
5) spend your life developing skills that will create something useful as well as earn you money.
6) life is too short, don't be an ass.
7) quittin time.

As the automatic glass doors closed behind me, I realized I would not be able to navigate metrotown without my roommate. Metrotown has over 300 stores and is the second largest mall in Canada. It's a big ass of a mall.

I usually never dare to set foot into the fabric laden jungle without my trusty roommate. She is my guide on what to wear, what not to wear, where to go, what to eat (although I can always find the washroom on my own).

Today, I had no such guidance.

My roommate is in Bangkok, Thailand, and I am up shit creek without a paddle.

if you start to feel dizzy in the mall, find the closest food court, it's probably dehydration and too much variety.

After a fruitless expedition for dress pants and shoes (i've set my mind on hushpuppies, the name sold me), I decided to call it quits and take a breather in the foodcourt.

however, the foodcourt itself is a quite a daunting arena in metrotown. i don't know if i would call it variety, but there were lots of stores ranging from greasy fast food to greasy fast food with an asian name.

As I began my slow death from dehydration, I realized that I remembered to pack a bottle of water. My trusty Nalgene, oh how I love thee. So I spent the rest of my time sipping on my bottle and planning out my life goals in the food court of metrotown. I have 2 pages that outline my life for the next 8 months. It mostly consists of work and finishing up my last two courses at SFU, but I am actually quite excited to be earning some disposable income.

This is quite an accomplishment for someone with a recently realized fear of success. Some how, the garbled noise created by the crowd created an atmosphere that allowed me to concentrate. This atmosphere was surprisingly comforting, and a pleasant change from television silenced monotony in my highrise apartment.

I think I understand why my friend goes to Walmart to meditate. I still don't know if the babies and underpaid staff of Walmart could give me the solace needed for contemplation of my life to come, but they sure have some cheap shit there don't they.

Over the past few years, I have had good and bad experiences. The bad always seemed to out number the good, however both built my character. I have tried, both consciously and un- to shake many aspects of my past; sort of to mold my character into something closer to my specifications. Some things have gone easy, and others still lie dormant, while others are a permanent part of my character. Habit prevails I guess.

One thing however, I repetitively realize, is that I will never shake the beliefs inherited from my family. I am a Christian (don't ask me what denomination, I can barely tell a Baptist from an Episcopalean?). I blame my lack of knowledge on my lack of interest. Every rational bone in me tells me that my belief is a constructed reality, historically defined and personally experienced. I've tried and continue to try to do like Mimi and "shake it off," but it keeps coming back to me no matter how many times I sink into a life of sin and hedonism.

What I wonder, is if I can't shake it off, how can a boy or girl raised as a Muslim, or a Sikh, or a Jew? I mean, there is no doubt that there are many angry Jews that hate their religion, but I believe if you really analyzed their behavior and their personal values, there are traces of jewishness. I guess it is for the same reason that many Christians switch into automatic denial -of-any-rationality mode when their belief is challenged. One seems to lose the capability to think rationally or objectively when the very core of what he/she bases her response on is under attack.

Of course, the smarter ones would go into a post-modern defense, attacking "rationality" and positivism. While these concepts do have their problems, attacking them only gets one so far. Many boil it down to intuition (or some call it spiritual guidance, etc). But man, that opens a whole new can of constructivist worms. Only those who have been raised as Christians, associate the physiological irregularities they perceive as guidance from above.

Jesus vibrations if you will. I guess it really comes down to whether Buddha, Vishnu, Tom Cruise can overcome the good vibrations of the Beach Boys.

I digress.

Coming back to the point, to reiterate, I am locked into the beliefs of my parents. Where young atheist boys go to their friends, tv, or a dirty magazines for help, I end up (after the friends tv and dirty magazines) going to God (of the Judeo-Christian variety).

Now I ain't no absolutist, but something about me worshiping my God, and a Sikh worshiping their god just seems a little unsettling. Is it all relative? Do we one day ahve to come to a crossroads where we have to make the decision, in absolute terms? Which religions are "right", if any? Or do we backstroke in the sea of relativism?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/5253160.stm
:(