Vancouver Drift

having sort of a christmas break from blogging. but not for too long.
Merry Christmas everyone.

What is it that makes us need to be with another? Why is there such a longing among twentysomthings (and many other generations for that matter) for someone to be with? More interestingly, why such a lack? If you browse online dating websites - yes, i have browsed a few, but never really used one before, i'm quite shy online - you see so many "ugly" and "beautiful" people looking for that special someone to take them off on a white horse or BMW. Online dating, according to a very trusted source i like to call the online dating advertisements on tv, is apparently very popular right now. it's all the rage guys.

If you actually go on the sites, there are SO many people on it. When I heard that my friend was on one, I had to check it out. Apparently she had dates lined up two times every week for as long as she was on it. Now, this may not be much for some, but for me, two dates surpasses my annual quota by a factor of like 2. I was intrigued.

But why I ask, are so many people looking and not finding? I believe it has something to do with expectations. I believe a lot of the problem these days is the category of images we are being fed by media, and then perpetuated by imitative behavior that surrounds our social space. The airbrushed images of the most beautiful and bulimic celebrities that we see and embrace are quite unattainable. Now, of course, we are not idiotic observers who can't tell that the images we see are doctored and unrealistic. But the constant barrage of these images does slowly change our expectations to match more closely that of the airbrushed beauty rolling in glistening dirt on the beach.

Online dating is a "natural" progression of this superficial and unrealistic expectation mr or mrs right. You can quickly scan through lists checking off personality traits, and 5 most favorite things (usually walk on the beach, eat chocolate, go to the movies, and two other ones choices that really spice up ur profile). Of course, the picture is usually the most important drawing force. Then the witty nickname or title. "halferB@b3xxx" or "xxxnaughtyxxxsexynaughtysexxxy" or "kink1268739029a" or ... heh. this is fun...

where was i...

why have we lost the ability to interact in a social space? i know i am socially inept, but how did this come about, can it change? or are we doomed to the online 5 step dating process? the internet has given us autonomy, but we need to reconcile this autonomy with community. Does the internet strengthen online community (Galston)? Strengthen, I don't know, but it has definately altered the fabric of social life.

The loneliness that i see in society, through introspection, scares me. Youth suicides being the 2nd leading cause of death scares me. Japanese death pact sucide websites scare me. Online dating scares me. Not dating online itself, but its exposure of the breakdown of community and formation voluntary, interest communities. Maybe one day "xxxspankyxxx" and I will fall deep in love, but for now, i think i'll pass.

3 more days 3 more days 3 more days

10 pg of essay writing left and then i get to sleep. oh sleep, how i pine for thee. beautiful slumber, the most seductive of lovers. when my essay is done, i'll jump under my covers, and as just i nod off under those 250 thread count covers, my lover will creep in after me.

3 more days. time to burn what's left of that midnight oil that's stuck to the bottom.

My blog essay is growing... it is going to be about 4000 words, which is not good since the extended limit i got was 3700. As my paper grows arithmetically, my sickness is growing exponentially, only to be slowed down by the random medicines i find in drawers and cabinets around the house.

My mind is not really clouded, but shrouded maybe... theory is killer. i tell you, this thing is becoming a master's thesis instead of an undergrad transnational human rights essay. So frustrated... I have spent the whole day immersed in theory, and I want to come up for air, into the simple smurf land of the empirical. this is strange because ordinarily i love theory, but right now, i just wanna be done with my theoretical framework so i can go to sleep and spend an hr on the empirical evidence of blogs and 2 hrs on the damned works cited page. damn you works cited page!! my bane...!!!

Insanity ensues at 1:20 am in the cold sickly theoretical morning. Man, I need to get out and meet people after all this is done. i have become a hermit. social life exists in the library and in between classes. the rest of my time is spent at home, doing what i would be doing at the library only it's closed and bring on the run on sentences because i need to run off and finish this damned essay; man i wish i could use these sentences i'm typing in my esssay so i would have to write more i will stop this silly sentence now.

So I spent all of yesterday at school. SFU, the lonely mountain prison, is an amazing place to get work done. I must give it that. It isolates you from most leisure activities, while the winter cold takes hold of your soul... and CRUsHES it!!!

nah, i'm just kidding... it only takes part of your soul prisoner. you get it back, albeit torn and tattered, but it doesn't really _crush_ your soul. cuz that wouldn't be good.

So i left the library at 11pm and got home around 12am. been quite tired lately. writing this last research paper worth 45% of my grade. It's gonna kick ass!! .. it's due tomorrow!! doh. 3500 words of... brilliance it will be!

well, right now it's about how when the media is restrained, and international law is helpless to uphold human rights, blogs can come into the picture to change the social imaginary in the public sphere. creating a more liberal, plurality. and this is only due to the rise and prominence of western modernity and the Habermasian idea of eighteenth century public opinion as the public sphere. blogs, i assert can create a plurality of media because of the transparent nature it has. AS well, it can start movements. i am doing all of this in the context of the beautiful, clean and green island city that i am outcast from, Singapore.

back to work people! good luck on your exams. Today i go hardcore!! ( i just got sick last night :( )

it's quite hard for me to write like most others. whenever i try to write a sort of "today, i bought a bag, ate a hotdog and skinned a cat" type blog, i get arthritis and ADD at the same time.

i really do want to write with less of a wide angle (although quite reflective if i do say so myself) lense of the world,society, and all the other big ones. i think i need to start small. i am by no means a journalist, but a boy can dream can't he? maybe i should say a man... makes me sound more like... manly. here is me, starting small:

today i woke up around 9 am. still recovering from my sleep depriving 14hr essay. i wrote from 5pm till 9am the following morning, virutally non-stop. i do believe i lost vision for a few minutes. motor skills went out the window when i was eating lunch after i handed in the essay. anyway. back to today. i didn't really do much. went to UBC to get some work done, but got hungry and had to leave.

pleasant surprise though, i met adam at the back of the bus. that was pretty cool because i don't see him very much now hez all married (not like i saw him much before, but seems like the thing to say). he was doing a math competition from 8am - 2pm. some crazy shit i tell ya. supposed to be good for a resume... i mean, if you're a math major like he is. smart guy. used to be a close friend. now just acquaintance. alas, like many other close friends i used to have. some never stay sober enough; others turn away from me; michael turned coat; and others turned gay. i guess i shuld be happy adam is still around. i have very few friends that i've kept since high school. that wouldn't be so bad a thing if a) i had made closer friends in university b) kept those friends that i did make c) wasn't so damned sentimental.

anyway, back to my day. quite cold today. coldest yet. i'm hoping that some kind soul would grace me with an adidas winter jacket. or maybe a north face one that's not so puffy. oooh look at the material me. meh. a little materialism is ok. although, SUCH a turn off.

yeah, i dunno if i can do much more of this for now. i do believe i've reached my limit of daily banter. i'll try again tomorrow... which should be in 3 minutes. peace, love, and whatever.. later.